Control vs. Surrender
Control Vs. Surrender
Control. Control is to exercise restraining or directing influence over; to have power over (Merriam-Webster, 2024).
Such an interesting concept control remains to be, for as God’s children we ultimately are not in control. We may think that we can control for every case scenario however we can’t. Do we have free will? Yes, so we can use our free will to make whatever choices that we desire. For, control…we are not in control. Whether you believe in God or not, He is in control, He is the one who has power over and in our lives; God is in the driver seat of our lives. So, when nothing went my way this week, I was reminded and tested about my concept of control. Through the chain of events from this week I believe that God was testing my loyalty: “Will you still love me and serve me, faithfully and obediently even when everything in your life is out of control? When nothing goes your way?” I can gladly say I have passed the test and as a result a blessing was birthed. Let’s talk first though, about everything that didn’t go well this week:
Saturday
After only getting 2 hours of sleep the night (literally laying my head down after 4:30 AM) before my hair braiding appointment due to taking out my previous braiding style, my braider texted me at 7 AM that she could not do my hair because her son was not well. At this moment I wanted to freak out but God gave me peace. I prayed for her son and prayed about my braiding ordeal. Literally a second after I had prayed, she called me and told me that her son was feeling better and that she could do my hair. So, at 9 AM I went to her braiding salon and by 12 PM I only had about 5 braids in my head (she washed and blow dried my hair first), when her babysitter called, sharing that her son was throwing up. My braider then goes to pick up her children and brings them back to the shop. However, it was evident that she could not go on, and so I encouraged her to take her kids home and prayed for her son to get well. At this point in time, I was so frustrated. I had so many people who had wanted to meet with me on Saturday and if I would’ve known my braider would’ve ended up pushing my hair appointment to Sunday I would’ve kept those appointments; however how could I control for such a situation? I could not and God wanted me to realize that and accept it.
Nonetheless, my problem solver instincts kicked in and I called a dear friend of mine whose mother owns an African braiding shop. God was so good because his mother was able to get me in. Long and behold, the braider who was available to do my hair was my previous 10th grade student from 2017-wild! So wild how God brings things and people back full circle. She’s now 21 and was able to do my hair. Crazy enough she is cousins with my good friend and I had never known.
However, two hours into her brading my hair, her finger began to swell and that led her to be two hours behind with finishing my hair. So I got to the shop at 1:30 PM, she didn’t start with me until 2:15 PM, and I didn’t leave until 9:30 PM. What a day! I wanted to cry but had no tears in me. I wanted to be angry but yet felt not a bit of anger in my heart. God had revealed to me that He removed that from my heart towards Him. No longer would I be angry with God; a prayer that I had asked for Him to answer and three months ago He did. I was thankful, but wanted to feel something, I needed a release for my frustrations. Yet, I was numb. All I could feel was the deep exhaustion and sleep deprivation that I was being affected from.
Once my braider finished, I went to pick up Longhorn because I hadn’t eaten all day and y’all at this point, I’m still running on two hours of sleep. Longhorn ended up getting parts of my order wrong and it took them about an additional twenty minutes to fix it. Then after almost being five minutes from my house, my Grand Jeep Cherokee broke down on the side of the road in the countryside because guess what y’all, ya girl somehow missed that I was low on gas! I had no gas in my tank. Insert the tears. At this point I knew I was being tested, how would I respond? I called my parents who thankfully live about three minutes away from me and they helped to save the day and bring me gas.
Then I started feeling sick that night and my voice began to crack and become weak. I laid my head down to sleep at about 12 AM.
Sunday
By Sunday I was praying for whatever I had as a sickness to go away. In addition to praying about a man on my heart, that I had thought was my husband, but knew deep down wasn't. Sometimes, you just know but do not want to accept the reality. Through this situation God was testing my loyalty to Him. Would I fight everything that I knew He was telling me, just to get what I had wanted, instead of having what He wants for me?
Monday
By Monday I had felt worse physically, in addition to discerning from the Holy Spirit, that my plans for Valentine’s Day were going to be canceled. It was at that moment that I knew God was preparing my heart for disappointment. While at the same time it was that week that I also was given a big ol fat “NO” regarding a man I thought was a potential spouse. I had fasted and prayed specific prayers and let’s just say, that though subtle, God made the man confess something that I know he probably forgets he even mentioned to me. It was by this confession that my specific prayers were answered, whether I wanted to accept it or not. I would have been a fool to still think that this would be a relationship that God would bless; despite him being a man of God. This is a lesson I have learned and need to share with you as my brother’s and sister’s in Christ: even if they are a believer, that is not enough. Are they compatible with you and fit the call that God has created and anointed you to fulfill? Do they even want you? Are they conflicted between you and someone else? Are they living a life that is obedient and faithful to God? Those are just some of the questions you should be asking yourself before you entertain or enter into a relationship with anyone.
Tuesday
By Tuesday I was numb. I couldn’t even feel. I was thankful for that. For, the revelation God had provided me with for both the man that I had thought was my husband, to my plans falling through for my Valentine’s Day trip, I couldn’t feel anymore. I couldn’t even be angry. I also did not want to fight God. After I had given up fighting with God three months ago, when He provided me with divine healing, I knew I no longer wanted to be like Jacob and the angel in the wilderness (Genesis 32:22-23).
God had made things so plain to me. It was a definite no to the man that I had wanted so badly. What was most scary, was that even though I had encountered many men in my life, I mean I am 29, I never wanted one so badly before like I wanted this man. Not only was he my physical type, he had a heart for God that was so beautiful…we connected in a way I never had connected with any man. I was captivated by him and I hated it. I spent four different times in the last month praying and fasting my desires away for this man, but no matter what I did to kill the desires it would not go away. His love for Jesus was and is just purely beautiful and I can see where he could be. He has great potential but he just is not there yet and it is a dangerous game to fall in love with potential…to plan your whole life with someone over potential and not who they are today. Call me a sucker for love, call me a sucker for giving grace to someone who has so much potential; but I have been given a gift to see God’s children in the ways that He does. I call it a blessing and a curse, especially concerning my love life.
However, this man that I had wanted, has his heart tied to another and he is not fully matured in the Lord; most of all he just is not mine. Ya’ll I tell you, I did not want to accept this. I had been fighting my own desires for a whole month. However, someone needs to hear this because you too may be struggling to let go of a man or woman that God is telling you just isn’t it. Need I remind you, that I had fasted over four times for God to get this man from my mind and my heart? I still have strong feelings towards him, however, I cannot deny what God has spoken. It is a no and though I want to be in control and get my way, and force it to be more, it will never be. The more that I can accept that, the more that I can put myself in position to receive the man that God has for me. Pray for me ya’ll…it is getting rough in these streets, ha!
Now, let’s talk about my Valentine’s Day trip. Ya’ll I did not want to be in Rochester for another Vday! This year I was determined to travel and despite not having my person, show myself self love through being with women that I care about. Well, the two women that I had planned to celebrate with canceled on me. One the night before vday and the other two days prior. This was definitely a pretty sad reality for me to accept. I wanted to fight God on it, but I knew it just was not meant to be. So, I paid over 200 dollars more to switch my trip just for the weekend, because I had solid plans. I was going to spend the day and night with a close friend on Friday. Have brunch with a friend on Saturday before going to Keon and Destiny Hill’s life Podcast show event. Then Sunday, I was going to go to Union Church at the Falls Church location and see some of the staff and volunteers that had become friends of mine. Well, it is Friday ya’ll and I can tell you I canceled my trip officially last night.
Wednesday
Sick as a dog!
Thursday
Cancelled my trip and still sick as a dog.
Friday
It is Friday ya’ll and I am still sick as a dog. Since last Saturday, each day has gotten worse. My doctor has prescribed me with medication to attack whatever sickness I currently have. I haven’t been this sick since I got Covid a few years ago; just wild! How is it that I got this sick the week that I was supposed to go out of town? I know it was all a part of God’s plan. I am where I am meant to be, in my bed writing this blog post at 7 AM.
Conclusion
What I have concluded this week was that again, as I said earlier, I was indeed tested this week by God. When everything that I desire does not go my way, how will I respond? Will I have a spiritually mature response and trust in God despite everything falling apart? Will I still serve Him faithfully and obediently? Or will I grow bitter, angry, and turn away? Will I try to do things in my control? Will I disobey God and follow my will? Or will I honor God and accept and follow His will? Even if it doesn’t resemble anything that I desire or want? Yes, I will choose to follow God every time because His will is perfect for He says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2 NLT).
Further, my carnal thoughts, will, and way does not even compare with God’s, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV).
Thus, throughout my walk as a believer, I have learned even in this week, that it is best to surrender to the Lord at all times and in all seasons. However, what made this week that literally was quite insane, bearable, was this…my heart is already in the stance of surrender. Therefore, you should be actively praying for your heart to be surrendered at all times to God’s will (Ezekiel 36:26). For He will bring you through the valleys and the mountain top, but in order to remain faithful and obedient in both seasons, you need to have a surrendered heart to the Lord, so that He can carry out His perfect will in your life (Isaiah 40:4-5). It is with a constantly surrendered heart, that you will choose to fight less with God. That you will surrender all control to God and let Him be in the driver’s seat of your life. In all, I hope that my story of a “cray cray” week, truly helps you to be encouraged today, that with whatever God is bringing you through that you remain surrendered to Him, faithfully and obediently. For there is a blessing for your obedience, “Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him” (Psalms 128:1 NIV).
My blessing
About two months ago I had decided that for my 30th birthday that I was going to go to Bali and that I was going to go alone. Well, God did not give me peace and instead gave me the idea to gift myself with 30,000 additional in savings for my 30th birthday in October of 2024. Thus, I had made up my mind that I would not travel internationally, a great desire on my heart for years, and would instead save more money. I was set with this though broken hearted, that I did not have more Christ centered friendships with women who would be able to afford and desire to travel internationally with me. For I have been blessed to travel throughout the US with my parents and siblings. We even have traveled to the Bahamas and Canada. However, I do not count this as international travel as much as I would Europe or Bali. Most of all, I had been hoping that by 29 God would have blessed me with more Christ centered friendships and even more, a husband to travel with. Though, that was not the case. I do want to note that God did bless me with a beautiful gift in my sisterhood with Shelly, who I talk about often on my podcast and blog posts. We became friends right before I turned 24. Though she has been booed up with her man, now husband for a year now, and my good brother Levi. As a result of that, we never traveled together besides Toronto. She is in a different phase of her life and is now a wife, therefore our opportunity to travel the world together has ceased. It isn’t that we may never, it just is not likely at this point in time. Therefore, I still crave other sisters in Christ who are like Shelly, who is the Jonathan to my David (1 Samuel 18).
Thus, what happened on Monday, 2/12/24, came to me in surprise. My life coach, Carrington Brown (book him), had me create a singles bucket list, that I actually had not wanted to do. For, I am tired of my single season of over 11 years and have been blessed to have had a full single season. I did not understand the goal of a singles bucket list, for someone who desired marriage so much. However, when Carrington says to do something, you do it, for you know confidently that God speaks through him…and so I did. So, on our life coaching session on Monday, I mentioned the things that I had wanted to do and going to Bali was one of them. Right then and there he said to me that his wife was having a Christian retreat with other women and that he was going for safety at the end of April, and invited me to join. Wild, wild! I had just wanted to go to Bali and had no peace to go alone a few months ago for my 30th birthday! On Tuesday, I booked my trip. On Thursday, in the women’s group chat, I connected with another sister in Christ, in which I ended up spending over two hours talking with on the phone. Crazy enough, she invited me to fly with her and her close friend! Wild! My parents, Shelly, and Levi were both worried about me traveling by myself on the flight and felt it would be wise if I could get someone to travel with. So, look at God, now I have two Black sister’s in Christ to travel with to Bali for this amazing trip, that is nothing but a gift from God.
Now, it is Friday and I look back at this wild week I have had, and despite it all, I have passed the test; I remained both faithful and obedient to God and as a result, I was blessed with an answered prayer to a deep desire on my heart: by my 30th birthday, travel somewhere overseas…and now I get to go to Bali, one of the most beautiful places in the world! Oh, how blessed am I! Thank you good Lord, for helping me to trust you, even when I am discouraged, hopeless, and broken hearted, for “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 NIV).
If anything, I hope that the conclusion of my story regarding this week, encourages you to never trust in your own ways of thinking and doing. To never trust in your own plans and will for your life. But to instead, trust in God, “...because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5-6 NIV). Know, that I am praying for you to never lose hope in God and to trust His mighty, perfect, and good plans and will for your life.
Sermon to listen to: https://youtu.be/3iQUQx1Z8RM?si=DQTHPd50X9-Jv9OE
Love,
Brya
