Do I trust you, God?!
Do you trust God? This is a question that I have been challenged with in every season, but more than ever now. As I spent time with God today, He brought me the title and theme of the blog post that I will be posting this Monday 3/4/24. I am always so thankful for God for it is He who helps me to write, as everything that I have is unto Him and His. This is the Lord’s blog, along with the podcast I have, and anything else I put my hands to; it is all to bring glory to Jesus Christ.
So, I ask you, what are you trusting God for? For, I am trusting God for so much! He is calling me to be fully surrendered and submitted to Him. This is scary if I were to be honest. I am scared that I would be let down; that the desires on my heart will not be fulfilled. For I have waited for some of the desires on my heart for so long. Most of all, marriage. My heart grieves and breaks at the thought of being single for much longer. It had been over 11 years in waiting. I count the time in which I fully surrendered my heart to the Lord at 18, though I had believed in Him all of my life. So, if we wanted we could consider high school, for many find their spouse in high school and are married to this day. Well, I was not that lucky. I didn’t get to experience elementary, middle, or high school love. I went to college expectant and that didn’t happen either. Fast forward to my time throughout my career and now, the options in front of me have not been approved by God and despite the despair and loneliness I continue to feel, I choose to wait for the best, and not settle.
I know that if you have been following me for even a short period of time, you know that I have been challenged by God to be vulnerable about this deep pain. I grieve daily the absence of a spouse in my life. I’ve always dreamt of what my partner, children, and even what my wedding would be like. I’ve had dreams and if I think too long, I could be brought to tears. God has been trying to get me to open my heart and cry these past three days but I have fought not to. I hate how weak I am and feel for desiring marriage; it is indeed my thorn. My thorn that God will not remove. How much longer will I wait? I actually did not receive a promise from the Lord about my husband until November 2024. Can you imagine how hard it has been not knowing whether or not it would come to pass? But could you imagine how much more difficult it has been waiting? Where is my husband? Why has God made me wait so long? Why have others received their spouse before me? Why can’t I have this blessing today? My heart is broken. I have great despair. I grieve daily. I even cry at times. However, today I cannot cry. It hurts too much to cry.
Why do I want this so badly? I ask myself this constantly because I wish I didn’t. I can tell you that I want a partner to glorify God’s kingdom with. I want to raise a family that is on fire for God. I want to love my husband and children until the Lord. I want companionship. A partner. Someone to do life with. Workout with, travel with, do business with, love on others together with. I pray that I can share soon my love story crafted and created by God. Until then, I will gladly share my pain vulnerably, in order to encourage each and every one of you out there! For we are all waiting for something. What are you waiting on God for? Healing? Godly friendships? A spouse? A child or children? Financial prosperity? A degree? A promotion? A house? A car? I could go on and on.
I go back to the first question; do you trust God? Do you trust that He will come through for you? For I know that He will and it is a daily choice to believe so. It is up to you and I to trust God for what we desire; for what we hope for. So, I encourage you to choose today to trust God for He will come through and show up for you each and every time; for God says,
“Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” (Matthew 6:26 NLT)
Love,
Brya
